Waves of Seduction releases on Thursday and compassion and desire play an important role in the journey of my main characters. If you know me or have read these blogs for a while, you are aware I frequently talk about the importance of knowing and living your heart’s desire. And my focus for the past few weeks, being compassionate and loving with yourself, is necessary to connect with that desire.
I’ve discovered people tend to think of desire in its most simple definition –a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen with its synonyms being: wish, want, aspiration, fancy, inclination, and impulse. “I want that chocolate cake” feels like desire, and if you’re out of practice with accepting your desires it can feel powerful (I have had some powerful chocolate cravings), but this is not really what I’m talking about.
When I write or talk about desire, I am referring more to the definition that calls it “longing of the heart” but even that doesn’t go quite far enough. I want you to go really far with your desire.
True, passionate – and potentially life changing – desire comes from a deep place of knowing and honesty. Every dream, every hope, every image you’ve ever had of the life you want starts with desire. That is incredibly powerful, not something to be brushed aside or taken lightly. I’ve met women who know their desires clearly and acknowledge them often, but for most of us, we have a way to go before know and listen to (very key!) our truths.
Why don’t we know what we want?
Because most of us have been taught through years of input from many sources to ignore or discount our desires and desire becomes something we frequently doubt and judge about ourselves. How many times are we told in one way or another, directly and indirectly, not to want too much, not to ask for too much or make too many demands? As if there’s an allotment on desire. As if your wanting diminishes you or another.
Good news – there’s no allotment on desire and desire builds you up.
I want you to know without a doubt that having desires, even a lot of them, doesn’t make you selfish, greedy, materialistic, fanciful, or egotistical. It means you’re aware and connected to a powerful place in yourself. You will not turn into Veruca Salt and be a bad egg simply because there are things you desire. Unfortunately, when we’re put down for having desires we can’t help but think all of them are bad or unworthy – and by extension, we are not worthy of having what we desire.
Do you see the loop? You have a desire… but desires are wrong… therefore you are wrong for having them. It’s insidious and the casualty is not being able to know, articulate and go after what you want. Ever. Seriously – have you ever noticed how much inner resistance you have whenever you think of something you want, even if it’s something simple like where to go for dinner or what to order when you’re there?
The resistance comes from two things. First, years of not believing it was okay to have what you desire and, second, that self-judgment which is the opposite of the glorious self-compassion that you deserve to give yourself.
This is the link – how you talk to yourself is directly related to how you treat yourself and it is hard to accept the desires of someone you are not loving and supporting of. As you make the shift from being speaking harshly to yourself to being kind, you will also find the courage to listen to an acknowledge your desires. It’s not easy – but it so so very worth it.
Let me talk about Veruca for a second. Her greediness did not come from desire – it came from feeling entitled at any and all times to have what she wanted no matter what someone else said or did. Even if it wasn’t allowed, she believed she should have it. No one would ever accuse her of having passionate desires.
But you may need to start small. Listen for the littlest desire and answer it with love. If you want the chocolate cake but know it’s because you’d rather eat than feel, then answer yourself by saying, “What do you really want? If you tell me, I will do my best to get it for you.” I’ve learned that the answer to this want is much more powerful – and lasts longer than the cake.
Whether your desire is a fabulous shoe wardrobe, a house by the ocean, or a way to support writers and artists, all of which are on my desire lists, there is nothing wrong with ANY of your desires. If there are negative voices that come into your head when you think of what you desire, thank them for their opinion – and then let them go. What you desire is personal and powerful and no judgment is necessary or required.
Having desires is WONDERFUL! And I encourage you to do whatever you can to discover yours.